And So It Began...

The week after Thanksgiving, I was out doing some Christmas shopping on a day off from work.  Our kids were at school, so Quentin and I decided to take advantage of the rare opportunity and have lunch together. After we ate, I used the restroom before leaving the restaurant.  While I was in there, I felt like I had some crumbs on my chest and began to try to brush them off.  It was then that I felt a hard place on my right breast.  My heart stopped, as I reached down and felt more.  When I did, it confirmed my initial reaction.  There was a lump there. I walked out of the bathroom to find Quentin waiting for me.  He immediately knew something was wrong by the look on my face, but I waited until we were in the car to tell him.  I was crying, and he looked worried.  He sat there with me while I called the doctor to schedule an appointment.  It just so happened that my doctor had had a cancellation for the following afternoon and could get me in.

I spent the rest of the day worrying and thinking of nothing else and could barely sleep that night.  The next morning brought a snow storm, and road conditions were predicted to worsen throughout the day.  School was cancelled, and both of my kids were home with me.  I had no choice but to call the doctor to reschedule my appointment.  The receptionist explained that they were getting ready to call me to reschedule as well.  They were going to close early that day.  I rescheduled for the following Tuesday, which lo and behold, also turned out to be a snow day!  However, the decision to cancel school wasn't made until later in the morning, and Quentin had already taken Jack to my mom's house (where he goes before school every morning).  That just left me with Lucy.  She and I filled her sparkly pink princess backpack with toys and activities and headed for the doctor!  

Snow Day Fun!

The doctor was reassuring, telling me that the lump felt like a fibroadenoma, which is benign.  However, I needed a mammogram and possibly an ultrasound to be sure.  Her office scheduled the procedure for the following week.  

Both Quentin and my mom tried to convince me to let them come with me to the mammogram appointment.  However, I was adamant that I would be fine to go alone.  Although I still had a bad feeling about the whole thing, I was trying to think positive.  My plan was to swing into the office, have the mammogram, and then head to Jack's school.  I was scheduled to spend the afternoon watching his class during a holiday teacher luncheon.  The class snacks were packed and ready to go.  I just had to get through that appointment first.  

The appointment began with a mammogram.  The technician then indicated that the radiologist would like to also do an ultrasound.  My doctor had warned me of this possibility, given my age, so I still wasn't concerned.  The ultrasound technician looked first, then went to get the radiologist.  He came in, did an ultrasound of my breast, and then asked me to lift my arm.  As he moved the ultrasound wand along my armpit, I knew it wasn't a good sign.  He then removed the wand and told me that he wanted to be honest with me.  He said that he was "very concerned" about what he was seeing and that he wanted to have the lump biopsied as soon as possible.  I was lying on the table, listening to him, but not really comprehending what he was saying.  I then asked the unthinkable, "So you think it could be cancer?"  He replied that it almost definitely looked that way and that even if the biopsy results were negative, he would recommend having it removed and tested.  I began to cry, as the doctor and technician provided tissues and worked on getting my biopsy scheduled as soon as possible.  They ended up scheduling it for the very next morning, and I left in a daze.  I had to call my husband, my mom...They were anxiously waiting to hear how the mammogram had gone.  So, I was stuck telling them the news over the phone while they were at work.  Not exactly the way I would have liked for it to have gone, but what other choice did I have? 

Quentin tried to get me to stay put, saying he would come to me.  However, I just wanted to get out of there!  He left work immediately, and we ended up arriving back home about the same time.  We just sat together in disbelief, crying a lot and talking a little, until it was time for me to get to Jack's school...Remember I was supposed to volunteer that afternoon!  Quentin tried to get me to stay home and not go, but I was adamant about going.  I had made a commitment, and besides, Jack was expecting me to be there.  (This was the first time I realized that I need to be careful what I promise the kids.  Not a lesson any of us wanted to learn!)  So, I went and somehow managed to make it through the afternoon.  Twenty-four first graders make for a decent distraction! 

The next morning was the biopsy.  The radiologist had downplayed this some, and I didn't have time to really think about it enough to be too worried about the procedure.  Unfortunately, the procedure turned out to be more painful than I had counted on.  They numbed the area with local anesthesia and then took 4 core needle biopsies.  I left there in considerably more pain than I had counted on, with instructions to "take it easy" for a couple of days and not lift anything more than 10 pounds.  Results would be available in three business days, which meant waiting over a weekend.

This would be the first of many times in this journey that it struck me how different I am from the "typical" breast cancer patient.  Most women going through this are at a different stage in their lives than I am.  For a mom of two young children, instructions to take it easy and not lift anything heavy are nearly impossible to follow!  I still carry Lucy all the time (I know she's getting a little old for that, but she's my baby!), and I had a Christmas party to prepare for.  Yes, the very next day was the holiday party for Jack's class, and I was the room mom in charge!  I had planned to go home and bake cupcakes and prepare other snacks for the following day.  And I could barely lift my right arm!!!  Fortunately, Quentin and my mom came to my rescue that evening.  They prepared the snacks under my supervision (I have to admit, I did enjoy that part a little!), and I made it to the class party the next day.  After the class party, it was off to Lucy's school for the annual Christmas program.  She made the most adorable shepherd and did great singing the songs she had learned.  It was the weekend before Christmas, so we had plans that kept us busy throughout the weekend.  We just tried not to think about what those biopsy results were going to be....

My sweet shepherd!  

Family Christmas Celebration!