Updates from Chemo #3

Sorry it's been awhile since my last post.  That just means I have lots of news to report!

I'm happy to report that I have survived Round #3 of chemo!  I went last Monday for my most recent treatment.  During my visit with the doctor, she shared results of an ultrasound I had had a few days earlier. The ultrasound showed that the tumor in my right breast has shrunk significantly! The right lymph node has also shrunk slightly.  The tumor on the left side is actually slightly bigger, but both my doctor and I know that it got bigger after the biopsy (which is normal). We can both feel that it is smaller than it was right after the biopsy, which basically shows there is some progress there too.  So, bottom line, chemo is working!!!

It's kind of funny how each round of chemo is a little different.  I can expect the same basic pattern, but each time there are slight variations.  I felt worse this time than I had the previous two times.  I've been warned that there is a cumulative effect with the fatigue caused by chemo, and it seems like this may be the case.  I also had more nausea this time than I've had with previous treatments, and it's lasted longer. I also think that this time was harder just because I'm tired of feeling tired.  The roller coaster of treatment, downward slide into extreme fatigue/bone pain/nausea, then a gradual return to feeling almost normal just in time to go back for another treatment has begun to take a toll.  I'm working hard to stay focused on my goal of kicking cancer's butt.  In the end, it's going to all be worth it!  Overall, I'm feeling well now and am looking forward to having a week off from treatment to enjoy it!

I just have to take a moment to say how wonderful my children are!  They have taken on so much in the last couple of months.  We've worked hard to keep their routines as normal as possible when we can.  There have also been new routines established, and they've adjusted so well to the "new normal."  They are so sweet to me when I'm not feeling well.  The first couple of days after treatment, I'm usually not feeling up to getting out of bed in the mornings as early as possible.  I'm usually still in bed when they get up.  Both of them immediately come into my room to check on me.  I get sweet hugs and greetings from both, and it makes my day!  I can't imagine doing this without them!

Since my last post, I've been dealing with the loss of my hair.  In some ways it's been easier than expected.  My family and I have all adjusted to my new look, and I'm very comfortable going "bald" when I'm at home.  Contrary to what I thought going into this, it's actually the most comfortable way to be.  I expected that I would want some sort of covering on my head a lot of the time.  However, I've found that I find most scarves, hats, and wigs to be pretty uncomfortable. They can also be very hot!  The most comfortable option is a scarf, which I've done quite a bit.  I initially had a lot of trouble wearing my wig and would get a bad headache if I had to wear it more than a couple of hours.  I took it back to the wig shop where I purchased it, and they were able to adjust it for me.  It seems better now, but I've come to the conclusion that I just really don't like having things on my head!

I have one more treatment left of the first type of chemotherapy.  My treatment plan was to have four rounds of Adriamycin and Cytoxan (or AC), with treatments every other week.  That will be followed by 12 weekly treatments of Taxol and Carboplatin.  My first Taxol/Carboplatin treatment will be three weeks after my last AC in order to allow time for my counts to recover completely. Even more so than other chemotherapy drugs, the Carboplatin has the potential to affect my white blood cell count.  My doctor has warned me that there is a chance that treatments may have to be postponed if my counts are too low.  I'm praying very hard that does not happen.  I already know how frustrating it is to show up expecting to receive a treatment and then not be able to get one.  I don't want to repeat that again!  I'm also praying that I can handle going for weekly treatments, without a week off in between to recover.  I will certainly be happy if the side effects from those drugs are not as severe and won't cause me to feel as bad for as long as my current treatment.

We continue to be blessed with such wonderful family and friends!  We have had more meals delivered to us than I can even count.  On nights we don't have meals, we have restaurant gift cards that others have given us to get take-out.  Having meals taken care of has been such a wonderful blessing!  One of Quentin's co-workers who is running the Triple Crown with her two teenage children has asked if they can wear shirts to support my cause.  They designed shirts and are wearing them to each of the races.  Also, the continued support through notes, cards, emails, and texts has been so encouraging!

For now, I'm just keeping on (with the reassurance that we're seeing progress!) and trying to take things day-by-day.  If nothing else, this journey has taught me to do that!  

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow!

I mentioned in my last post that one of the hardest parts of this journey lay ahead.  Well, I am happy to report that part of the journey is now behind me!  Whether I was ready or not, it was time for my hair and me to part ways.  As last week progressed, it became more and more apparent that I was losing a large amount of hair.  Washing my hair, combing it, blow drying it, or handling it in any way became more unbearable each day, as large amounts of hair would come out at these times.  So, as much as I had dreaded going bald, it actually came as somewhat of a relief to the constant hair falling from my head. 

My wonderful, talented hairdresser (and friend) Ashley took great care of me, as promised. She came over to our house Friday evening after my kids were tucked into bed.  Quentin and my mom were there to support me.  Ashley first cut my hair into a shorter style and then got out the clippers, taking my hair down as short as possible.  She did a great job of keeping all the hair that came off behind me so I didn't see any of it.  She, Quentin, and my mom all chatted and joked to help distract me from what was happening.  When it was all done, everyone was very complimentary and reassuring that I looked great.  It took some nerve, but I finally looked at myself in a hand mirror.  I definitely looked different, but it was less shocking that I was expecting. As much as I had dreaded that moment, it really wasn't as bad as I had feared!  I still looked like myself, just without hair around my face!  

The next morning, I got to reveal my new look to Jack and Lucy.  Jack saw me first when he got up and came into our bedroom.  I was wearing a sleep cap, and he initially didn't say anything to me.  We reminded him what I had done the night before.  He said he remembered and then looked at me.  He immediately wanted me to take off the hat so he could see my hair.  When I did, he smiled.  He said, "You look pretty, Mommy!"  (I've trained him so well!)  We all then went to get Lucy out of bed.  Lucy would not even look at me when I went in her room.  She greeted Quentin and Jack normally but pretended that I wasn't even there.  Jack was excited about my new look and kept telling her to look at me (I was wearing my sleep cap again). After a few minutes, she did look at me and talk to me. Jack kept asking her if she wanted me to take off my hat.  She did not. I told her that she didn't have to see me without my hat until she was ready to.  She seemed relieved, and I left it on the rest of the morning.  We had to get ready to go to Jack's basketball game, which was my first public debut of my new look.  I decided to wear a wig I had purchased that is designed to be worn under hats (basically, it's not a full wig).   It wasn't all that comfortable, so I was glad to come home and change into a scarf.  After getting home from the game, Lucy announced out of the blue that she was ready to see me without a hat or scarf.  She seemed very sure that she was ready, so I revealed my new look.  She smiled and said, "You look the same!" Whew!  We were all relieved to have that initial reveal out of the way.  

Headed to Jack's basketball game!

Quentin planned a head-shaving party for Saturday evening.  Many of the boys in my life had been planning to shave their heads in support of me, and he thought it would be fun for everyone to get together and make it a party.  So, everyone came over to our house.  We shaved heads, ordered pizza, and even had a giant cookie cake to celebrate!  Quentin, Jack, my dad, my father-in-law, and brother-in-law all shaved their heads.  I feel so blessed to have this show of support.  We had a great time, with lots of laughs at the expense of those whose heads were being shaved.  I shaved everyone, with some help from others.  All the boys looked very handsome with their new looks!  

The newest "baldies!"

As I start this "off-week" from chemo, I'm feeling pretty good again.  It takes right at a week for me to start feeling "normal" again after chemo.  I'm just glad to know that I have some more good days coming before going back for some of that butt-kicking medicine.  I have to admit, I do enjoy the simpler life, not having hair to care for every day.  It makes my morning routine much quicker and easier!  I'm experimenting with all different ways to cover my bald head, including hats, scarves, and wigs.  I've found that none of these options are all that comfortable, and being bald around the house is the most comfortable. Fortunately, my family doesn't mind seeing my bald head now!  Maybe I'll adjust to having something on my head as time goes on, just as I've adjusted to all of the other changes that have come my way recently.  Only time will tell!

Chemo #2 and More Snow Days!

I had my second round of chemotherapy on Monday, February 3.  This day also turned out to be yet another snow day for the kids!  We had advance warning that it would snow overnight Sunday night, so my mom came over Sunday evening and spent the night.  We didn't want her to not be able to get here on Monday morning to watch the kids.  Sure enough, Monday morning dawned with another 4-5 inches of snow on the ground.  At least I got to spend the morning with my kids before my 12:30 appointment.  Lucy once again adorned my arm with several stickers, and I wore my special Rainbow Loom bracelet from Jack. I love that I get to take these reminders of my sweet babies with me!

During my visit with the doctor, she confirmed what I had already noticed.  The tumor in my right breast has already shrunk significantly!  Woo hoo!  That is some serious butt-kicking!  Unfortunately, the tumor in the left breast does not appear to have shrunk any yet.  However, the biopsy results on that side showed some differences in the type of cancer.  While the tumor in the right breast is triple negative, the tumor in the left breast is ER positive, PR positive, and HER2/neu negative.  Triple negative, although more aggressive, is much more susceptible to chemo.  So, it makes sense that we've seen more progress there.  

After seeing the doctor, I proceeded to the infusion area for chemo.  Having been through one round already and knowing what to expect, I felt much more confident and relaxed.  They were originally going to cut the dose of the medication I reacted so strongly to last time in half.  At the last minute, I asked if I had to have it at all, and I didn't!  Its primary purpose is for anxiety, which I did not feel the need for.  They still loaded me up with anti-nausea medications and steroids before administering the chemo drugs.  Like last time, the time passed pretty quickly.  Quentin was my chemo partner again this time.  It was originally going to be my mom this time, but the snow changed those plans!  We just hung out, chatted, and ate all the snacks we'd packed!

I felt pretty good that night after getting home, much better than last time!  I know that the difference was taking out the anxiety medication.  I was able to eat dinner with my family and do most of the usual bedtime routine with the kids.  The only problem was that I didn't sleep well at all that night!  I slept for about three hours right after going to bed, then woke up in the middle of the night and never went back to sleep.  I think it was the steroids they gave me with chemo, but without the other medication to counteract, I had the full steroid effect this time!  The good news is that they've significantly cut down on the steroid dosage I'm taking at home for the three days following chemo.  I'm cutting my pills in half and just taking one in the morning, rather than taking a whole pill twice a day.  

I have to go back 24 hours after finishing each round of chemo for a Neulasta shot, which helps boost my white blood cells.  Once again, snow complicated things!  Due to forecasted snow and ice, schools dismissed early.  It also meant Quentin had to leave work to round up the kids and then come get me to drive me to my appointment.  Of course, my appointment was scheduled for right about the time the ice/snow was supposed to start to fall, and it didn't disappoint!  It was nearly white-out conditions when we left the doctor's office after my appointment.  We took the kids with us this time.  I knew it would be a quick appointment and thought it might be good for them to see where I've been spending so much time (and will be spending much more!). It worked out well because we were practically the only people in the office since it was the end of the day, and the kids did great!  Jack even came back with me for my shot.  The staff was very nice and let me take him into the infusion area.  I showed him around a little bit and showed him where I had sat for chemo the previous day.  I'm hoping that seeing that helps him better understand what I'm doing when I go to all of these appointments.

The snow and ice continued to fall after we made it safely home Tuesday night.  Our power went out in the middle of the night for about three hours.  Quentin and I woke up when it did, debated what to do, and decided just to try to get more sleep.  Fortunately, it was only out for about three hours.  Since we were all in our beds under warm covers, we hardly noticed that it even felt colder in the house!  Of course, this morning brought the news of another school closing.  Quentin got up and tried to shovel snow and ice from the driveway.  That left the kids in with me for a while.  They were good, but I'm not feeling all that great today.  Lots of fatigue, and it seems like the bone pain that is a side effect of the Neulasta shot is starting to kick in a little earlier this time than it did last time.  Quentin has now left for work and is going to drop off the kids at my mom's house on the way so I can hopefully get some rest.  

Now for a topic that's been on my mind a lot lately, although I haven't really mentioned it much in my blog.  Obviously, one of the first questions in most people's minds when they hear the word chemo is "What about hair loss?"  That was certainly one of the first that popped into mine!  My doctor warned me when we started that I would start to lose my hair two weeks after my first treatment.  That prediction turned out to be pretty true.  Sunday was the first day I noticed larger-than-usual amounts of hair coming out during my shower and when combing or brushing my hair.  Each day since then has brought similar results, with maybe slightly larger amounts each day.  If I run my fingers through my hair, I will pull out several loose hairs. I can feel that my hair is not quite as thick as it used to be, but I had really thick hair to start with, so this really isn't an issue yet.  I don't think you can tell any difference just by looking.  My hair has not yet begun to come out in clumps, and I haven't found large amounts of hair on my pillow.  These are warning signs that I'm losing a significant amount of hair, at which point it will be time to shave my head.  My dear friend and hairdresser, Ashley, is on call for this moment.  She has been wonderful and supportive since my diagnosis.  She even came wig shopping with me!  I can't think of anyone else who could get me through the head-shaving process.  I am so grateful to have her!  

I suppose I'm as ready for being bald as I'll ever be.  I have a wig ready to go, as well as a variety of scarves and hats.  It's really hard to imagine what I'm going to look like, how I'm going to want to cover my head, etc.  I just keep thinking how cold it's going to be!  I'm used to long, thick hair to keep me warm, so I think that might be the biggest shock in how it feels!  I'm not going to lie.  Losing my hair is one of the parts of this journey that is getting to me the most.  Contrary to the many comments I've made over the years about my hair, it turns out that I really do love it!  Since my diagnosis, and especially since I found out that chemo would be before surgery, I have made sure to fix my hair and enjoy it every day that I have felt well enough to do so.  I'm trying to make the most of our last days together!  

I think that the hair loss is also going to be one of the hardest parts for my kids.  They know it's coming but don't really know what to expect.  Jack mentions it periodically and is excited to shave his head in support of me.  He and I have our best talks when I'm putting him to bed at night.  The other night at bedtime I mentioned that hair loss was probably just a few days away.  He teared up and told me that he would be a little bit happy and a little bit sad when that happened.  When I asked him why he would be a little bit happy, he replied that it would mean that the medicine was working and doing its job. I then asked him why he would be a little bit sad.  His tears came to the surface, and he told me that he would be sad because he likes my hair and thinks it's really pretty.  I love that boy and am so proud of his insight!  Lucy, of course, has a different understanding.  It will be hard on her.  She loves to play with my hair when I'm holding her.  She doesn't even like it when I wear my hair in a pony tail! When I mentioned it to her recently, she asked me about my wig.  For some reason, I hadn't shown it to either of my kids up to that point.  I offered to show it to her, and she eagerly accepted.  When she saw it, she immediately said that it looked just like my hair.  I tried it on for her, and she told me I looked the same as always!  We then sat in the floor in front of my full-length mirror and each tried on the various hats and scarves I've purchased.  Of course, in typical Lucy fashion, she tried to claim the scarves as blankets for her babies!  We had fun, though, trying things on each other and laughing.  

Once again, I want to end with a shout-out to all of my wonderful supporters out there!  We have had more meals delivered than I can count.  These have been such a blessing and have also meant an opportunity to visit with friends and family!  The staff of one of the schools where I work put together a wonderful basket of goodies for me, as well as a bag of "quiet" activities for the kids.  The kids were so excited!  I am also blessed to begin receiving services from Cleaning for a Reason, an organization that provides four monthly house cleanings to patients receiving cancer treatment.  I had already started the application process, but one of my dear friends got the ball rolling much faster.  Our first house cleaning is scheduled for today!  

Here's to even more butt kicking in the days to come!  :)